Lie... What Lie?

Fellow Clueless Divas,


Men lie. Yes, we all know this. They lie about relationships. They lie about how much money they make, and they lie about their penis sizes. Fuck it, they lie about any and everything. But women, our lies are little more specific. Women in their 30s lie about their age. But, what do women in their 20s lie about? We lie about “our number.” Not our phone number… Well maybe to the lurker in the club that misunderstood our drink acceptance as a commitment for marriage, of course we lie to him… But, what I’m talking about is our “golden number.” The sacred number that separates the women from the girls, the vixens from the saints, and the potential wives from the hoes… Our number of sexual partners. How many is too many? Well, Nana would say, “One, you’re not married, gal!.” But, its 2011, do they still make 20-something year old virgins? The rule used to be that anything over your age is just too much. But, at 28 that still seems a little socially unacceptable. Most women, when asked the “big question,” go with a safe number like 4 or 6. But, let’s keep it real. We all know that it’s probably more close to 20 or 30… Or is that just me? Ok, so you’re judging. Well, let me show you how it’s done.



Average length of relationships = 4 months



Average number of relationships per year=2



Average number of one night stands/ “Damn, he finally got me, that will never happen agains” per lifetime= 3



Average age of lost virginity=15



Now, let’s do the math… Current Age – Age of first sexual contact x average number of relationships per year + number of mistakes = Estimated number of sexual partners for a single, vibrant, 20 something year old woman



So, for example: 29-19= 10 x 2= 20 + 3 = 23…. See. Give or take a hand full.



Most of us are surprised when we finally bust out the pad and pen and start doing the math. “Did I do that?” (in Urkel voice) Yeah, you did. Having such a “healthy” golden number is not something most women are proud of and we know that the reaction of inquiring man will probably not very positive, so we lie to them and to ourselves, as well. In all honestly, none of us wants to wear her number on her chest like some great big Scarlet Letter. But, beating ourselves up over it, won’t change the past. If you’re ashamed of your number, and are determined not to add anymore names to that list (if you can remember their names :)), then you have two choices: 1) Cease all activity until you find “one” and make him your last or 2) Start crossing names off of the list because let’s keep it real, if it lasted less than 3 minutes and/or you didn’t have an orgasm, does it really count anyway? :)





What do you think?