Loving Yourself (Part One)

Loving Yourself Outside-In

I love my body. I love the breadth of my shoulders, the curve of my hips, the contrast between the darkness of my areolas with the brown of my breasts, even the ’v’ shape my vagina makes between my legs. I love my body, and the powerful way it can command and illicit pleasure. Adoring my body has become a ritual, in that I take time sometimes seconds, other times minutes, to gaze upon its beauty. Loving and celebrating my physical has become a way in which I love and celebrate me.

However, I have recently realized that I have allowed social standards of beauty, unrealistic expectations and my own insecurities to pervert a ritual that in essence should be beautiful and relaxing. You see, each time I celebrate, I pose. Meaning, I suck in my “gut,” arch my back, raise my breasts and elongate my legs in a model pose. In my mind, looking at and loving her (my body) in this altered form, is so much easier, than loving her in her natural, relaxed state. But, there is no beauty in dishonesty. And truth cannot be found in that which is altered.

After this realization, I knew that I had to let go, relax my form, stand straight up, let go of the Tyra, circa 2002, pose and gaze upon God’s perfection… Well, the first time I tried this, I immediately, grabbed my towel and walked away.

“I’ll check again tomorrow.” I said. “After the gym… The ‘gut’ is always smoother after a run and a round of crunches.”

When was the last time you looked at yourself naked? Completely naked, in a full-length mirror, stomach full, skin dry, breasts low, eyes wide open? How long did it take for you to suck in your stomach, arch your back, critique yourself, cover up and walk away? Minutes or seconds? Time yourself. See how long it takes before you feel the burning judgment of being watched and judged by a jury of one. Seeing yourself in all its honesty, vulnerability, sexiness, ugliness and beauty can be both a liberating and a painful experience. Most times the latter precludes the former, in that we tend to embrace pain before pleasure, negativity before positivity.

Try it. See what you do, how long you can do it and how you feel afterwards. Then, the next day, try it again. Keep repeating this task until you find yourself so comfortable in your skin that you no longer feel “nude” at all. You feel “clothed” in that you find security and contentment while being in one of the most vulnerable positions imaginable. When this happens, you’ll realize that confidence can form from the outside-in, because embracing your physical, is a part of embracing your soul, which is a large part of embracing yourself as a whole.