My Sister. My Friend. My Enemy?

The game, Pursuit.
The target, a Black Man.
The goal, Marriage (preferably before 35).
The opponent, Any other living, breathing, half attractive woman.
The rules, NONE.

Sound familiar? This is game played by thousands of Black women in this country and around the world every day. Beautiful, intelligent and successful woman all vying for what they deem to be the missing piece in the puzzle of total, and complete happiness. We can have it all, if we work, plot and scheme enough. The house, the car, the vacation spot in Martha’s Vineyard, and of course the man… the Black Man.

I have always been very comfortable communicating, befriending and, if so inclined, pursuing men. I have plenty of male friends, some ex-loves and lovers, others just “cool dudes” that I’ve gravitated to over the years. Never being much of a “girls’ girl,” but, very much a “girlie girl,” the friendships and the witty banter I often exchange with the men in my circles are frequently, misunderstood and misinterpreted as flirtation. Which has made me a target for female scrutiny and harsh judgement.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those “I only hang with guys, girls are too petty” women. In fact, I have a solid group of female friends, all of which are beautiful, intelligent, ambitious women of many different hues, character and type. I love my girlfriends. They are essential part of my life, and in my opinion the life of any woman. I just so happen to also have a close blend of male friends, as well.

What is so disappointing, yet not surprising to me, is the lack of regard women have for each other when it comes to the pursuit of men. Time and time again, I have witnessed women undercut and use each other to get to men. And a few times, I have been the victim of this.
I’ve had women cozy up to me to meet my male friends or even pretend to be my friend just to see how close I am to “their” man. Like, really? If another woman is a potential threat, then he isn’t yours anyway and may not even be that into you.

I love my sisters; but, we have got get it together. There is plenty of room in the universe for each and every one of us to be hot (beautiful, sexy, intelligent and desirable). So, stop undercutting and dissin’ your sisters just because you believe that she may pose a threat to you meeting the man of your dreams. If he is meant for you, you will be with him.

What really pisses me off (on top of the jealously, spitefulness and obvious hating we do on each other) is that men know this about us. And they PLAY ON IT!! If a man can start a bidding war for his affections, he has not only mastered the game, because not only has the amount of effort he has to exert gone down to zero; but, he has the chance of walking away with the MVP trophy, both women. And us women we play right into it. Battling each other so hard we have no clue that what we are fighting for isn’t even worth a verbal slap, let alone a hair pull.

Could you imagine what would happen if we stopped letting them win? Yes, letting them win. That’s what happens every time we choose them over each other or allow them to divide us. One, we will begin to forge stronger interpersonal relationships. Two, men will have no choice but to step up their game and be forced to come correct and treat all of us with the respect we deserve. And three, this will increase the pool of eligible, “good” men. So, it starts with us ladies. Love yourself, of course; but, remember, love your sister. She is not your enemy. She is your ally.