Just Too Much! (A Little Info On me… )

I am the girl that a lot of insecure women hate. The woman at work in the high heels and borderline inappropriate outfit. The one that‘s always in someone else’s cube or has someone in hers (oftentimes male ). I’m the one with the loud voice and the even louder laugh. The ridiculous hair and full face of make-up. Hold on to your man, because she doesn’t have one (and I hear she’s on the prowl). I’m that girl. Do you know me?

Well, if you think you do, you don’t.

Here’s the actual truth. I’m not the “traditional” lady. I sin. I cuss and I’ve been known to enjoy a clove cigarette or two. I’m aggressive and assertive and don’t believe in backing down for the sake of maintaining some archaic notion of femininity. I fight, physically and verbally, as well as eat with my hands (not just fingers, hands). I talk about sex, in mixed company, at the most inappropriate times, and I have no qualms about telling a man if I feel like his game won’t or can’t match up. I flirt and never feign modesty. I jokingly boast about my intelligence, skills and beauty and am undeniably self-centered (who else is my world supposed to evolve around, some man?). I am not a lady. But, I am a woman. A strong, assertive, beautiful, intelligent and self-assured, Black woman. And darn proud!

Ok. Ok… This is the truth. But, it’s not all I am. I am also extremely sensitive and hate being judged, a daddy’s girl and a push-over when it comes to my kids (Oh, I’m also a youth worker). I go to bat for my friends and believe in telling the truth, even if It gets me in trouble. I cry at least twice a day over, things that don’t even involve or affect me and I value my family more than they will ever know. Oh, and I love kittens. :)

I’ve never had a hard time making friends, its just been a little difficult maintaining true friendship with other women. When you are as “too much” as I am “too much,” it can be difficult for people to tolerate or even enjoy your overcast. I find this to be particularly true when it comes to other women, especially other, single, attractive women. If they only knew that I’ve come along way from being some “pretty girl’s," overweight, sidekick who was the last chosen to dance. I used to be afraid of not only others; but my own voice. Bet they'd never guess that I was raised in a household of men and a tomboy until the age of 15. Or that I had to fight daily with my peers at school because of my religious beliefs. Would anyone guess that I hated my hair and body until the age of 21. If they knew that, would I still be hated or judged?

Don’t get me wrong, yes, I am a HAM, and yes, I do enjoy putting on an, occasional, one-woman, show. But, by no means do I require ALL of the attention, ALL of the time. I LOVE being in the presence and hanging with extraverted, hilarious, over the top, eccentric,” too much” women. One, I receive a sigh of relief, “Thank you GOD, I’m not alone!” Two, I have a partner or partners in crime to play off and put on even bigger, better performances. And three, It takes the pressure off of me to always well, be on. Sometimes, in fact oftentimes, I enjoy sitting back and being the spectator.

Most of you are probably just like me. You just don’t want to be judged for it. So, you stay in the safe zone. Place your hands in your lap and feign modesty. Well, on behalf of all of the “Too Much” girls, I say, welcome to the world. Throw on your favorite, “hot girl gear,” throw away those safe outfits, put on some make-up (if you like) and speak up! The world is ready for your debut.