Me

Me

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Same Ol’ G.

When I was 17, I was around 20 pounds heavier. I had no sense of fashion. And my hair always looked as though I did it myself. I was never the smartest student in the class and outside of my small circle of friends, people rarely laughed at my jokes. My father didn’t allow me to date, so I really didn’t know any boys. And I was so awkwardly shy and afraid of looking stupid in front of others that I rarely spoke up in public. But, that was then. And this is now. You’re probably wondering if grew out of it. Yes. Yes, I did. The crazy thing is, even though I noticed the change (heck, I orchestrated it), I didn’t really think others did. It wasn’t until I joined Facebook and “friended” a bunch of my old classmates, when the realization finally hit me, “Wait, I wasn’t pretty in high school?” I wasn’t delusional. I knew that I wasn’t a beauty queen back then; but, comments on my Facebook wall like, “WOW! You look so great now!” really hit home. In fact, they kind of pissed me off and even hurt. When this first happened, I was forced to sit back and try to remember if I even really liked high school. And honestly, after spending hours on hours in contemplation, I can say, “No, I didn’t.” I must have blocked out the feelings of intimidation, humiliation and shame because my single father, couldn’t afford brand new Reeboks Classics and Polo dresses (Yes, that’s what people wore when I was in high school). I remember, being so afraid that people would notice that my Timberlands were fake or that my nails weren’t done, that I would sit in class in silence and pray that the class bully found someone else to clown that day. Yeah, high school was not the highlight of my life. But, that was then. And this is now. I’m thin. Make a salary that can afford nice clothes and the occasional over-priced pair of designer shoes. I’m an active member at the gym. And have grown accustomed to people referring to me as pretty. But, what I am most proud of is that outside of loving myself more, I really haven’t changed. I still love a bad joke. Have awkward moments and root for the underdog. In my mind, I was a pretty cool chick back then, because I accepted others, cared about school and had a good heart. And I work hard every day to make sure I stay that girl. Cornball and all. So, when people, in person or on Facebook, say how much I’ve changed, it makes me laugh because I know that I’m just fooling them all.